ahhh, the joys of living alone! i have lived alone since my sophomore year in college (2nd semester), except the last 9 months or so since i have been "living alone" yet spending all but maybe 7 nights at ice's. its been fun, don’t get me wrong, i LOOOVE sleeping over there, but there are times like right now where i LOVE being and living alone. these moments are few and far between these days, so maybe that is why i am reveling in it. its just so nice, to be making dinner (stir-fry YUM!) for me...watch whatever i want on the tv (felicity....oh how i have missed watching felicity!)...sleep whenever i want...on the couch, in bed. take a bath if i want...wear whatever i want. ahhh, its just a nice thing to do every once and a while. :)
we went to a wedding last night, and man was that an eye opener. to be VERY honest...it freaked me out a bit. watching the bride walk down the isle. listening to the vows being said...eeeeeks! scared me to death. i have been trying to figure out what it is that freaked me out, because i do still WANT to be married. i think it’s the actual act of GETTING married that freaks me out. the planning, the hoopla. ack! i want it, and i know its got to be done, but...uhg, i think about having to plan a wedding and trying to make everyone happy. it all just makes me want to run and hide forever. my family, their beliefs...that’s what freaks me out. the rate i am going, i wont be marrying into that belief system, so its going to have to come to me actually standing up to my family...OR, giving in. either way (especially the 2nd one) makes me sick to my stomach to think about. so often, i just wish that it all wasn’t an issue and that it would all just go away. where marriage is concerned, i often wish that one day i wake up, a POOF! i am married, and whalah...we can get on with our lives. everybody is happy, everybody loves everybody regardless of beliefs.
never going to happen is it?
anyway, it was a nice wedding. simple. short. sweet. she looked amazing, as most brides do. the reception was fun, and ICE and i even went out with everyone! that was fun...i am SO glad that we did! we get fairly comfortable just staying at home, just the two of us. It’s nice. we have fun...but it is nice to hang out with other people for a bit. i think the weather adds to it...its friggin cold out (and oh look! its snowing again...geee.....haven’t seen that yet this year! good LORD, would it just stop! STOP! STOP! my hate for winter cold has been completely validated this year! i just cant wait for my love of the heat to be validated...HURRY UP!), so its so much easier to just stay in, and be warm. PLUS we don’t have much money these days (where its all going...don’t ask me. but its been a struggle the last couple of months. one thing after another. makes me think i am being punished or something.), so its cheap to go get a bottle of Makers and some Coke and sit and watch DVDs of Buffy and Angel all night (ahh, good times. makes for a fun evening. especially when ICE starts to get ICED, which doesn’t take too long with makers and cokes! teehee. ). alas, last night was nice to be social.
and we have been working out like crazy. though, i don’t feel any better (okay, i do...the more honest response is i don’t feel like i LOOK any better). i need to re-evaluate my thought processes where my looks are concerned. i am far too worried about it, and far too obsessed with losing weight. It’s not healthy. i need to let it go...accept it (that, ladies and gentlemen, is a direct window into my thinking...and my neurosis...not something that i don’t reveal a WHOLE lot. especially that subject).
i have to say, and this is somewhat random and off topic, but i was thinking last night how cool it is that i know someone who is actually being active where world affairs are concerned. most people, including me, just kinda listens to the news...and buries their head in the sand, hoping that the whole thing will go away, and that life (as we know it) wont be affected much. its such a cowardly thing to do and 'action' to take. the people, like amanda, that are out there...protesting...making her beliefs known. DOING something passionate is truly inspiring. examples to us all. It’s very commendable, and it makes all my worries and fears seem trite. as it should. the bigger picture i suppose.
anyway. :)
we went to a wedding last night, and man was that an eye opener. to be VERY honest...it freaked me out a bit. watching the bride walk down the isle. listening to the vows being said...eeeeeks! scared me to death. i have been trying to figure out what it is that freaked me out, because i do still WANT to be married. i think it’s the actual act of GETTING married that freaks me out. the planning, the hoopla. ack! i want it, and i know its got to be done, but...uhg, i think about having to plan a wedding and trying to make everyone happy. it all just makes me want to run and hide forever. my family, their beliefs...that’s what freaks me out. the rate i am going, i wont be marrying into that belief system, so its going to have to come to me actually standing up to my family...OR, giving in. either way (especially the 2nd one) makes me sick to my stomach to think about. so often, i just wish that it all wasn’t an issue and that it would all just go away. where marriage is concerned, i often wish that one day i wake up, a POOF! i am married, and whalah...we can get on with our lives. everybody is happy, everybody loves everybody regardless of beliefs.
never going to happen is it?
anyway, it was a nice wedding. simple. short. sweet. she looked amazing, as most brides do. the reception was fun, and ICE and i even went out with everyone! that was fun...i am SO glad that we did! we get fairly comfortable just staying at home, just the two of us. It’s nice. we have fun...but it is nice to hang out with other people for a bit. i think the weather adds to it...its friggin cold out (and oh look! its snowing again...geee.....haven’t seen that yet this year! good LORD, would it just stop! STOP! STOP! my hate for winter cold has been completely validated this year! i just cant wait for my love of the heat to be validated...HURRY UP!), so its so much easier to just stay in, and be warm. PLUS we don’t have much money these days (where its all going...don’t ask me. but its been a struggle the last couple of months. one thing after another. makes me think i am being punished or something.), so its cheap to go get a bottle of Makers and some Coke and sit and watch DVDs of Buffy and Angel all night (ahh, good times. makes for a fun evening. especially when ICE starts to get ICED, which doesn’t take too long with makers and cokes! teehee. ). alas, last night was nice to be social.
and we have been working out like crazy. though, i don’t feel any better (okay, i do...the more honest response is i don’t feel like i LOOK any better). i need to re-evaluate my thought processes where my looks are concerned. i am far too worried about it, and far too obsessed with losing weight. It’s not healthy. i need to let it go...accept it (that, ladies and gentlemen, is a direct window into my thinking...and my neurosis...not something that i don’t reveal a WHOLE lot. especially that subject).
i have to say, and this is somewhat random and off topic, but i was thinking last night how cool it is that i know someone who is actually being active where world affairs are concerned. most people, including me, just kinda listens to the news...and buries their head in the sand, hoping that the whole thing will go away, and that life (as we know it) wont be affected much. its such a cowardly thing to do and 'action' to take. the people, like amanda, that are out there...protesting...making her beliefs known. DOING something passionate is truly inspiring. examples to us all. It’s very commendable, and it makes all my worries and fears seem trite. as it should. the bigger picture i suppose.
anyway. :)
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