Ahhhh, Felicity. Yes, I am a closet Felicity fan. VERY trendy, and VERY juvenile I am sure, but it is my guilty pleasure. I love it. For some reason it represented my dreams...at least when it started. I remember when it first started, Melissa and I would FAITHFULLY go over to mom and dad's to watch it. It was the only hour of the week that we HAD to be at. The only hour where everyone in the family knew not to bother us. Even the kiddos (Kreed and Zane, at the time), knew that when Felicity was on...they couldn’t interrupt us. The best thing about it was that soon, Matt started watching it...and then Zane just wanted to hang with us. We would end up ordering pizza or going to the grocery to get some ice cream (java chip or Swiss orange chip). Mmm, good times.
Speaking of dreams. I was on the plane today...coming from Washington D.C. back to Louisville (after a great weekend. Good times, good music and good company :)), and out of nowhere, I remembered a decision that I had made a couple years ago(not even that, I guess it would be a little over a year and a half ago). Most of the time, when I think back on decisions that I have made, I never feel any regret, nor do I ever wonder where I would be now "if" I had or hadn’t made a certain decision. For some reason, I started wondering today...
After my first year on staff at Sundance (2001), I was offered the opportunity to move to LA and work for the LA Film Festival with RJ (LOVE HIM!), as his right hand. The Festival in LA was only a 5-day festival or something, but that job was going to last about 2 months. The plan at the time was to move to LA, do that festival, and then move to NYC for 3 months or so to work for the Sundance Channel. I was interviewing for that position in NYC, and she was very willing to work with me from across the country so that I could do the festival (RJ had a lot to do with this...he was putting in a GREAT word for me for the job in NYC). I figured that all would last until at least September, and at that time I could decide if I really wanted to stay in NYC (and I would have the much needed connections to do so) or go back to Phx, LA or SLC (as Sundance would be starting again). This also meant, no tour.
I had about a month after Sundance to make this decision, and get my act together to get to LA. During that month, I goofed off...played. Drove to Denver to spend some time with Val. I flew home to hang out with the family. I was whisked (literally) off to Vegas by this guy that I had met at Sundance only a few weeks before. Sheesh, what a weird situation that was….
back story to follow:
I was working at Sundance, really have the time of my life…and this guy who worked for an Publicity firm in LA started paying a lot of attention to me (bring me passes to parties, music stuff, lots of schwag). At the time, I didn’t think much about it; I was flattered. He was good looking, nice, and fun to talk to and hang out with. Oddly enough, only 2 days after the Festival got over, he emailed me and started calling me at work. So we got to know each other a bit, and all the sudden, he had invited himself to SLC for the weekend (and to stay with me and take me out). Awkward…but I have never been one to shy away from spontaneity, and I have never really been afraid to do something crazy like travel across the country with a stranger (or FOR a stranger). ANYWAY, long story short, he came to SLC and we ended up flying to Vegas a day or so later. Had a BLAST in Vegas. Surreal.
After Vegas, he started sending me gifts, and cards and called every night. The things he was saying to me were very intense. He would say things like “I knew from the moment that I saw you in the Press Room, that I was going to marry you…” and “You were the only one that I even noticed when I walked into the office at Sundance” (Me? Amongst a TON of beautiful people...actors and actresses. Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too…sunshine up my ASS!). It got to the point where he was actually planning “our life” together. He started planning a trip to Europe that March, to get married, and then on the way back to LA we would stop in Virginia (where he was from…Charlottesville, ironically, and yes he went to UVA, and yes he saw DMB when he was a frat boy going to college there. The EARLY DMB. He was impressed that I was such a big fan, and that I could get him the shows that he went to) to have a big party. Then after a couple of years in LA, we would move to Phx, and raise our kids either there, or in Virginia (yes he was even thinking about kids…aaack!).
It was odd. I think at the time, it was just so sudden… and he was literally sweeping me off my feet. The things he was saying, the things he would buy me…the trips that he talked about going on. He SEEMED genuine. I got kind of caught up in it…though; I always had my reservations about it. I was (and in many ways still am) naïve.
backstory over:
Needless to say, the plan was still for me to move to LA and work for RJ and then to NYC. I goofed off that entire month before getting to LA, that I didn’t have a place to stay. BUT, I was only going to be there for 2 months or something, and didn’t want to get a lease on an apartment…so I had to find someone to stay with. Well, of course this guy (and yes I am intentionally not typing his name. Uhg…the name alone makes me gag now) offered to “clear the closet” for me, and “give me a drawer”. So…that’s what I had planned (of course, my parents didn’t know ANYTHING about my plan to stay with him). I knew, in the back of my head that when I got there, I would start working immediately, and one day would turn into 3 and 3 days would turn into 10 and 10 days would soon turn into 2 months, alas…living with him until I headed to NYC (IF I got that far).
I remember it was the day before I had to have everything all packed up in my car to drive to LA, a Saturday. I was “planning” on driving to LA that next day, Sunday, and starting work with RJ on Monday. I hadn’t packed a thing. Sunday came along…8am; I STILL hadn’t packed a thing. Not only that, but I hadn’t done ANYTHING to prepare for this…and believe me it wasn’t like I was super busy out and about. No, I was lying on my couch…just lying there, no motivations whatsoever. Noon came along…I remember being so conflicted about what I was going to do. I didn’t want to let RJ down, but just didn’t feel good about going and living with this guy. So…I made a decision…
I called RJ that Monday morning and told him I wasn’t going to be able to take the job…and then called this guy and told him that I wasn’t coming at all and that I was, instead moving back to Phx. I never really looked back after the decision…I kept “seeing” this guy for a few more weeks, though we never really saw each other again until the DMB LA show when he kept calling me about getting an upgrade to a floor seat. I can’t even really remember how it ended…it just did and I have no desire to ever see the man again. He emailed me after I was on VH1 and was all “omg, I saw you on VH1, you are so cool…blah, blah, have you met the band? Blah, blah, blah…where are you these days…blah, blah, blah…are you working Sundance again…blah blah blah…” Uhg. I never responded.
So…my thought process today on the plane was not about this dude, and the decisions that I had made concerning him, but more about where I would be if I had gone to LA and worked for RJ. I was thinking about it…and man, where I could be now. At least career wise…I started thinking about the doors that would have opened, had I taken that position…and definitely the doors that would have opened had I taken the job in NYC. I can’t even imagine where I would be now.
Of course, being the thinker that I am, I started wondering WHY I didn’t just go. What was so hard about just telling this idiot to go away, and finding another place to stay. I have plenty of people in LA that would have helped me out, and let me stay. I came up with the fact that I was simply scared…scared of the fact that it WOULD open doors for me, and scared of what that might bring.
On the other hand…IF I had gone to LA at that time, I would not at all have the life that I have now. I wouldn’t even know the people that I know now, nor have had the experiences that I have had since. Its odd though…those two worlds seem like they were YEARS apart, yet, they were really only a month or so. After I told RJ that I wasn’t moving, I immediately packed my crap and moved back home…a few weeks later, I was driving to Albuquerque with a stranger named Amanda, and driving to Vegas…ultimately meeting some dude named “Ice”...and where THAT has led me is incredible. I wouldn’t give it up for the world, however, I can’t help but wonder and imagine where I would be now if I had just faced the fear and gone to LA.
However, at the time, I honestly don’t think I was “ready” to move to LA and take all of that on. So, at the time, it was the best decision…and in hindsight, I wouldn’t change anything. I do wonder if those doors will open for me ever again, and IF I will ever live out that “LA/NYC/Industry” dream that I have always had. I think at this point, I wouldn’t be upset if it didn’t happen or I didn’t do it (I have GREAT people in my life because I didn’t do it, I mean…Jonathon alone has been worth that decision)…pipe dreams. BUT, for some reason today, I found myself wondering “what if”…good and bad (because I am not naïve enough to believe that it WOULD have turned out positive).
One of my "life" mottos has always been "no regrets", and for the most part...I have lived with that ideal. Thinking about this situation and the decision that I made regarding it, and the places and people brought because of it, I cann honestly say that I dont regret it. Its normal to play the "what if" game...but, thats exactly what it is....a game.
Once again, life is interesting.
Speaking of dreams. I was on the plane today...coming from Washington D.C. back to Louisville (after a great weekend. Good times, good music and good company :)), and out of nowhere, I remembered a decision that I had made a couple years ago(not even that, I guess it would be a little over a year and a half ago). Most of the time, when I think back on decisions that I have made, I never feel any regret, nor do I ever wonder where I would be now "if" I had or hadn’t made a certain decision. For some reason, I started wondering today...
After my first year on staff at Sundance (2001), I was offered the opportunity to move to LA and work for the LA Film Festival with RJ (LOVE HIM!), as his right hand. The Festival in LA was only a 5-day festival or something, but that job was going to last about 2 months. The plan at the time was to move to LA, do that festival, and then move to NYC for 3 months or so to work for the Sundance Channel. I was interviewing for that position in NYC, and she was very willing to work with me from across the country so that I could do the festival (RJ had a lot to do with this...he was putting in a GREAT word for me for the job in NYC). I figured that all would last until at least September, and at that time I could decide if I really wanted to stay in NYC (and I would have the much needed connections to do so) or go back to Phx, LA or SLC (as Sundance would be starting again). This also meant, no tour.
I had about a month after Sundance to make this decision, and get my act together to get to LA. During that month, I goofed off...played. Drove to Denver to spend some time with Val. I flew home to hang out with the family. I was whisked (literally) off to Vegas by this guy that I had met at Sundance only a few weeks before. Sheesh, what a weird situation that was….
back story to follow:
I was working at Sundance, really have the time of my life…and this guy who worked for an Publicity firm in LA started paying a lot of attention to me (bring me passes to parties, music stuff, lots of schwag). At the time, I didn’t think much about it; I was flattered. He was good looking, nice, and fun to talk to and hang out with. Oddly enough, only 2 days after the Festival got over, he emailed me and started calling me at work. So we got to know each other a bit, and all the sudden, he had invited himself to SLC for the weekend (and to stay with me and take me out). Awkward…but I have never been one to shy away from spontaneity, and I have never really been afraid to do something crazy like travel across the country with a stranger (or FOR a stranger). ANYWAY, long story short, he came to SLC and we ended up flying to Vegas a day or so later. Had a BLAST in Vegas. Surreal.
After Vegas, he started sending me gifts, and cards and called every night. The things he was saying to me were very intense. He would say things like “I knew from the moment that I saw you in the Press Room, that I was going to marry you…” and “You were the only one that I even noticed when I walked into the office at Sundance” (Me? Amongst a TON of beautiful people...actors and actresses. Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too…sunshine up my ASS!). It got to the point where he was actually planning “our life” together. He started planning a trip to Europe that March, to get married, and then on the way back to LA we would stop in Virginia (where he was from…Charlottesville, ironically, and yes he went to UVA, and yes he saw DMB when he was a frat boy going to college there. The EARLY DMB. He was impressed that I was such a big fan, and that I could get him the shows that he went to) to have a big party. Then after a couple of years in LA, we would move to Phx, and raise our kids either there, or in Virginia (yes he was even thinking about kids…aaack!).
It was odd. I think at the time, it was just so sudden… and he was literally sweeping me off my feet. The things he was saying, the things he would buy me…the trips that he talked about going on. He SEEMED genuine. I got kind of caught up in it…though; I always had my reservations about it. I was (and in many ways still am) naïve.
backstory over:
Needless to say, the plan was still for me to move to LA and work for RJ and then to NYC. I goofed off that entire month before getting to LA, that I didn’t have a place to stay. BUT, I was only going to be there for 2 months or something, and didn’t want to get a lease on an apartment…so I had to find someone to stay with. Well, of course this guy (and yes I am intentionally not typing his name. Uhg…the name alone makes me gag now) offered to “clear the closet” for me, and “give me a drawer”. So…that’s what I had planned (of course, my parents didn’t know ANYTHING about my plan to stay with him). I knew, in the back of my head that when I got there, I would start working immediately, and one day would turn into 3 and 3 days would turn into 10 and 10 days would soon turn into 2 months, alas…living with him until I headed to NYC (IF I got that far).
I remember it was the day before I had to have everything all packed up in my car to drive to LA, a Saturday. I was “planning” on driving to LA that next day, Sunday, and starting work with RJ on Monday. I hadn’t packed a thing. Sunday came along…8am; I STILL hadn’t packed a thing. Not only that, but I hadn’t done ANYTHING to prepare for this…and believe me it wasn’t like I was super busy out and about. No, I was lying on my couch…just lying there, no motivations whatsoever. Noon came along…I remember being so conflicted about what I was going to do. I didn’t want to let RJ down, but just didn’t feel good about going and living with this guy. So…I made a decision…
I called RJ that Monday morning and told him I wasn’t going to be able to take the job…and then called this guy and told him that I wasn’t coming at all and that I was, instead moving back to Phx. I never really looked back after the decision…I kept “seeing” this guy for a few more weeks, though we never really saw each other again until the DMB LA show when he kept calling me about getting an upgrade to a floor seat. I can’t even really remember how it ended…it just did and I have no desire to ever see the man again. He emailed me after I was on VH1 and was all “omg, I saw you on VH1, you are so cool…blah, blah, have you met the band? Blah, blah, blah…where are you these days…blah, blah, blah…are you working Sundance again…blah blah blah…” Uhg. I never responded.
So…my thought process today on the plane was not about this dude, and the decisions that I had made concerning him, but more about where I would be if I had gone to LA and worked for RJ. I was thinking about it…and man, where I could be now. At least career wise…I started thinking about the doors that would have opened, had I taken that position…and definitely the doors that would have opened had I taken the job in NYC. I can’t even imagine where I would be now.
Of course, being the thinker that I am, I started wondering WHY I didn’t just go. What was so hard about just telling this idiot to go away, and finding another place to stay. I have plenty of people in LA that would have helped me out, and let me stay. I came up with the fact that I was simply scared…scared of the fact that it WOULD open doors for me, and scared of what that might bring.
On the other hand…IF I had gone to LA at that time, I would not at all have the life that I have now. I wouldn’t even know the people that I know now, nor have had the experiences that I have had since. Its odd though…those two worlds seem like they were YEARS apart, yet, they were really only a month or so. After I told RJ that I wasn’t moving, I immediately packed my crap and moved back home…a few weeks later, I was driving to Albuquerque with a stranger named Amanda, and driving to Vegas…ultimately meeting some dude named “Ice”...and where THAT has led me is incredible. I wouldn’t give it up for the world, however, I can’t help but wonder and imagine where I would be now if I had just faced the fear and gone to LA.
However, at the time, I honestly don’t think I was “ready” to move to LA and take all of that on. So, at the time, it was the best decision…and in hindsight, I wouldn’t change anything. I do wonder if those doors will open for me ever again, and IF I will ever live out that “LA/NYC/Industry” dream that I have always had. I think at this point, I wouldn’t be upset if it didn’t happen or I didn’t do it (I have GREAT people in my life because I didn’t do it, I mean…Jonathon alone has been worth that decision)…pipe dreams. BUT, for some reason today, I found myself wondering “what if”…good and bad (because I am not naïve enough to believe that it WOULD have turned out positive).
One of my "life" mottos has always been "no regrets", and for the most part...I have lived with that ideal. Thinking about this situation and the decision that I made regarding it, and the places and people brought because of it, I cann honestly say that I dont regret it. Its normal to play the "what if" game...but, thats exactly what it is....a game.
Once again, life is interesting.
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