back at work...monday...uhg. same ol' same ol. boss isnt in...she called a minute ago. of course she said that she wouldnt be in until "9:30". riiiiight, ill see her at around 11! whatever. i dread this job.
so, we went and got a tree last night. ice was SO not into it at all. i could tell he was only doing it to indulge me. he was pretty much sarcastic the entire time, which was nice to experience (notice the sarcasm). at one point, once we got the tree, and were driving back to his place...he said "fuck...all i need is the ring, and it would be over.". NIIIIIICE. that felt lovely! of course once we got the tree into his apartment, he was still preturbed and seemed to be doing the LAST thing in the world that he wanted to be doing. whatever...i let him alone the rest of the night. i hate that feeling....i realized that when people behave like that around me, i automatically think its me, or that they are mad and annoyed with me. it reminds me of my mom and dad...that same feeling that i got as a child when they would get irritated and frustrated. i also realized last night, that i REACT the same way to jon as i do with my parents. i automatically go into silent mode. no talking...just kinda slip into the background, as not to be seen, all the while feeling hurt and a bit rejected (although...its really not about ME, i just think it is: gradiosity). it sucks. needless to say, that pattern is something that i really need to work on. i guess its good that i realize and am aware of what is going on.
on top of all that...yesterday ICE and i purchased our first "big" purchase together. a couch. reis is moving in with cory, and offered to sell one of his really nice leather couches to us. its SO nice, and looks great in ICEs apartment. we bought it. split the cost...and it didnt really sink in until at one point ICE said "so...do you like OUR couch?". whoa! it IS 'our' couch. it shouldn't SEEM like a big deal...but theoretically, it is. he even mentioned it, after we made the decision to do it: "rach...we just bought our first big purchase together. thats kind of a big deal." it is. freaks me out a little...scares me that he may not really want to be doing this, with me, or at all in his life yet.
anyway. i dont know...a melancholy day. gearing up, mentally, for this coming weekend. i am more excited about these dmb shows than i have been in a long, long time. there is an excitement there that i am excited about...it reminds me of when i first started seeing the band. plus i am really excited to spend some time with amanda...she is going to keep me going and sane this weekend. i honestly would not be going if she werent going...
and yes, the video to grey street. amazing! i got chills (and their multiplyin'....GREASE!) and tears welled up in my eyes (at the end of course). i cant get enough of that song...let along the video. it completely represents what the band is about. it portrays the experience of a dmb show (as i USED to feel it) perfectly...it IS the band.
so, we went and got a tree last night. ice was SO not into it at all. i could tell he was only doing it to indulge me. he was pretty much sarcastic the entire time, which was nice to experience (notice the sarcasm). at one point, once we got the tree, and were driving back to his place...he said "fuck...all i need is the ring, and it would be over.". NIIIIIICE. that felt lovely! of course once we got the tree into his apartment, he was still preturbed and seemed to be doing the LAST thing in the world that he wanted to be doing. whatever...i let him alone the rest of the night. i hate that feeling....i realized that when people behave like that around me, i automatically think its me, or that they are mad and annoyed with me. it reminds me of my mom and dad...that same feeling that i got as a child when they would get irritated and frustrated. i also realized last night, that i REACT the same way to jon as i do with my parents. i automatically go into silent mode. no talking...just kinda slip into the background, as not to be seen, all the while feeling hurt and a bit rejected (although...its really not about ME, i just think it is: gradiosity). it sucks. needless to say, that pattern is something that i really need to work on. i guess its good that i realize and am aware of what is going on.
on top of all that...yesterday ICE and i purchased our first "big" purchase together. a couch. reis is moving in with cory, and offered to sell one of his really nice leather couches to us. its SO nice, and looks great in ICEs apartment. we bought it. split the cost...and it didnt really sink in until at one point ICE said "so...do you like OUR couch?". whoa! it IS 'our' couch. it shouldn't SEEM like a big deal...but theoretically, it is. he even mentioned it, after we made the decision to do it: "rach...we just bought our first big purchase together. thats kind of a big deal." it is. freaks me out a little...scares me that he may not really want to be doing this, with me, or at all in his life yet.
anyway. i dont know...a melancholy day. gearing up, mentally, for this coming weekend. i am more excited about these dmb shows than i have been in a long, long time. there is an excitement there that i am excited about...it reminds me of when i first started seeing the band. plus i am really excited to spend some time with amanda...she is going to keep me going and sane this weekend. i honestly would not be going if she werent going...
and yes, the video to grey street. amazing! i got chills (and their multiplyin'....GREASE!) and tears welled up in my eyes (at the end of course). i cant get enough of that song...let along the video. it completely represents what the band is about. it portrays the experience of a dmb show (as i USED to feel it) perfectly...it IS the band.
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