i dont know if others ever feel this way, or maybe i am just weird (duh)...but...for as long as i can remember i have been waiting. waiting for something to happen. at any given time, it can be a number of things...the point is...i am always waiting, waiting, waiting. waiting for someone to call, waiting for that job offer, waiting for the job to start, waiting to decide to move, waiting for that trip, waiting for ...whatever! i am always waiting for something to happen. i am always unsettled.


today at jon's there was an empty box...i asked if he was going to get rid of it...he said probably, and the first thought i had was "no...its a good moving box". is it sad that that is the first thing i think of? is it sad that, i am basically ALWAYS planning on moving...thus making sure i am prepared for it WHEN it comes?


to me that defines being unsettled, unstable. i am so tired of living like that...i am so tired of always having to either pack a suitcase, or unpack it. i love to travel, dont get me wrong, i do...i just wish i could go out and do it, but KNOW that i have stability when i get "home". i guess, it boils down to wanting a home and a family (that does not mean KIDS, it means a family, whatever that may be)...cause right now, i do not have either. i dont even have the resemblence of a home nor a family. i have an apartment that i am sometimes at, and right now i have a boyfriend that i do love, but there really isnt anything that bonds us together...either one of us could leave at anytime if we so wanted (which i DONT want). i dont know...