*sigh* *sigh* at work, on a saturday...again :( i really need a vacation! a LONG one. I dont think I have been able to take one full week off for a couple years. every time i take time off, its only for a day or for a weekend or something....it sounds really nice to just...not.be.at.work...for a good week or 10 days. (not that i dont like my job, actually, i am LOVING it! this is sooo what i needed, and it feels great to WANT to do a good job, and to be challenged and to accomplish things) i have decided (if jonathon can get the time off, with his new job) that as a gift for my big 3-0, i want to take a FULL week in February, and go lay on a beach somewhere...be pampered. www.grandwiamea.com is where i want to go! MAUI! ahhhhhh....
went over to the davis's last night. Melissa and Jeff Davis that is. they just bought a house about 10 minutes from us, and were moving in, so we went to check it out. its so wild, the "growing up" process. their old house was a nice house, and a great house for 2-3 people, but this house is a GROWN UP house! 5 bedrooms, basement, living room, family room, formal dining room. i mean, they have just bought a house that they will be in for like 10-15 years if not more! its THE HOME, that they will raise their kids in. its beautiful....its just weird that "we" (meaning: people our age) are old enough to need to buy THE HOME. News last night, also, melissa is pregnant. Okay...here it goes...the pregnant cycle has begun! I am so happy for her, and them! Its pretty exciting, and I found myself actually JUMPING up and down when she told me the news! Like a little school girl...it was FANTASTIC! I can only imagine what i will do when the test reads positive for me (ahem, not that we are actively trying...due to job changes and life stuff like that)! I will probably want to hop on a plane right then and tell my family in person!
Speaking of pregnancy...as odd as it sounds to say outload...I just cant wait to enter that phase of life. its scary for sure, but now its a fear that i am exited to face, if that makes sense. of course i read too much entertainment news, and watch too much oprah, and i am scared now that i am going to be like brook shields and be all excited about getting pregnant and having a child, and then be all post-partum (pardum?) depressed when the child actually arrives. yikes!
i was telling jonathon last night that melissa is going to be pregnant just in her belly...whereas i fear i will be pregnat ALLLLLL over, and gain like 500lbs, and not be "cute pregnant". is it sad that i worry about that? gah....
speaking of. i am continually reminded that i know myself better than anyone else where some things are concerned. case in point....i went to SLC a few weeks ago to visit my mom and dad (GREAT TIME! LOVE THEM!!!!!), and i was on such a great workout/eat healthy kick. i was WANTING to eat healthy, and not wanting sugars or breads or anything refined...but allowing myself the freedom to eat whatever i WANTED, in moderation, of course. I was working out everyday, seeing results, and most importantly feeling results. Felt GREAT! My dad and I even went running one day....and then Sunday rolled along, and I KNEW i should have gotten up and gone running, but my dad said "one day off wont kill ya". i remember telling him that taking one day off, for me, meant slipping back into a rut where i just wasnt motivated anymore, and its so hard to get back to healthy again. he told me i was nuts...and of course, because he is dad, i believed him. DAMN ME! where am i at now? a total rut again. all i want is ice cream and chocolate and bread and rolls and to lay on the couch and veg. dang it! i know, i know...just "do it". harder done than said. uhg. its a struggle with myself again, and i do know that i will get motivated again...soon...i just "wish" i would have had the balls to stand up for myself and done what I know was best for me. could of, should of, would have....
anyway. my little brother turns 19 on monday. unorganized me hasnt gotten him a gift yet. he is real hard to shop for...and i honestly just dont know what he likes. amanda...i read your blog and "regrets" a couple weeks ago, and ironically, i have been thinking about that a lot lately, especially where my family is concerned. i learned a long time ago that regret is a useless feeling....and its a waste of time and energy regretting decisions already made. i firmly believe that, and there used to be a time when i didnt regret anything...i just realized that i had made a decision, good or bad, wrong or right, any gray area in between, and moved on. however, i find myself really regretting the fact that i missed zane grow up basically. i missed all of his highschool years. missed his graduation, missed his 16th bday. missed proms, missed his first girlfriend. just missed a lot....and i just feel so bad about that. not because i think HE would have benefitted from me being there, but because i really want to be a part of all that. i would have LOVED to see him go to high school and all that. yet, i was so selfish and self-centered and i "wanted to live my own life" that i didnt stick around. i dont know. i feel the same way about my nephews....its tough.
anyway (again). guess i better go set up for our next event. uhg. good thing i am getting monday off! Gym, here I come :) maybe that will motivate me...
10days until Denver!!!!! :) cant wait to sit on the couch with val and just talk!
went over to the davis's last night. Melissa and Jeff Davis that is. they just bought a house about 10 minutes from us, and were moving in, so we went to check it out. its so wild, the "growing up" process. their old house was a nice house, and a great house for 2-3 people, but this house is a GROWN UP house! 5 bedrooms, basement, living room, family room, formal dining room. i mean, they have just bought a house that they will be in for like 10-15 years if not more! its THE HOME, that they will raise their kids in. its beautiful....its just weird that "we" (meaning: people our age) are old enough to need to buy THE HOME. News last night, also, melissa is pregnant. Okay...here it goes...the pregnant cycle has begun! I am so happy for her, and them! Its pretty exciting, and I found myself actually JUMPING up and down when she told me the news! Like a little school girl...it was FANTASTIC! I can only imagine what i will do when the test reads positive for me (ahem, not that we are actively trying...due to job changes and life stuff like that)! I will probably want to hop on a plane right then and tell my family in person!
Speaking of pregnancy...as odd as it sounds to say outload...I just cant wait to enter that phase of life. its scary for sure, but now its a fear that i am exited to face, if that makes sense. of course i read too much entertainment news, and watch too much oprah, and i am scared now that i am going to be like brook shields and be all excited about getting pregnant and having a child, and then be all post-partum (pardum?) depressed when the child actually arrives. yikes!
i was telling jonathon last night that melissa is going to be pregnant just in her belly...whereas i fear i will be pregnat ALLLLLL over, and gain like 500lbs, and not be "cute pregnant". is it sad that i worry about that? gah....
speaking of. i am continually reminded that i know myself better than anyone else where some things are concerned. case in point....i went to SLC a few weeks ago to visit my mom and dad (GREAT TIME! LOVE THEM!!!!!), and i was on such a great workout/eat healthy kick. i was WANTING to eat healthy, and not wanting sugars or breads or anything refined...but allowing myself the freedom to eat whatever i WANTED, in moderation, of course. I was working out everyday, seeing results, and most importantly feeling results. Felt GREAT! My dad and I even went running one day....and then Sunday rolled along, and I KNEW i should have gotten up and gone running, but my dad said "one day off wont kill ya". i remember telling him that taking one day off, for me, meant slipping back into a rut where i just wasnt motivated anymore, and its so hard to get back to healthy again. he told me i was nuts...and of course, because he is dad, i believed him. DAMN ME! where am i at now? a total rut again. all i want is ice cream and chocolate and bread and rolls and to lay on the couch and veg. dang it! i know, i know...just "do it". harder done than said. uhg. its a struggle with myself again, and i do know that i will get motivated again...soon...i just "wish" i would have had the balls to stand up for myself and done what I know was best for me. could of, should of, would have....
anyway. my little brother turns 19 on monday. unorganized me hasnt gotten him a gift yet. he is real hard to shop for...and i honestly just dont know what he likes. amanda...i read your blog and "regrets" a couple weeks ago, and ironically, i have been thinking about that a lot lately, especially where my family is concerned. i learned a long time ago that regret is a useless feeling....and its a waste of time and energy regretting decisions already made. i firmly believe that, and there used to be a time when i didnt regret anything...i just realized that i had made a decision, good or bad, wrong or right, any gray area in between, and moved on. however, i find myself really regretting the fact that i missed zane grow up basically. i missed all of his highschool years. missed his graduation, missed his 16th bday. missed proms, missed his first girlfriend. just missed a lot....and i just feel so bad about that. not because i think HE would have benefitted from me being there, but because i really want to be a part of all that. i would have LOVED to see him go to high school and all that. yet, i was so selfish and self-centered and i "wanted to live my own life" that i didnt stick around. i dont know. i feel the same way about my nephews....its tough.
anyway (again). guess i better go set up for our next event. uhg. good thing i am getting monday off! Gym, here I come :) maybe that will motivate me...
10days until Denver!!!!! :) cant wait to sit on the couch with val and just talk!
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