How can one be bored when they have been working for 2 weeks strait? Thats all I do...is work. I cant wait for Tuesday to finally get a day off. Even moreso, I cant wait until I know what the hell I am doing here, and have actual responsibilities. I cant figure out if I am just not being assertive and just need to ask for things to do, or if it really is the end of the Meet and there ISNT anything that needs to be done. Or maybe, they are expecting me to find my own things to do...use my brain and figure out what needs to be done. Problem is, I DONT KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE! I dont know much about horse racing, nor do i know anything about the workings of Churchill Downs events.
My insecurity is trying to tell me that I am not doing a good job, and they regret hiring me (santity says "its ONLY BEEN 4 DAYS!!!"). They keep referring to Sundance and how cool they thought that was and how much experience I must have, yet...I am so scared that I am going to screw up! Sundance was 4 years ago, and a completely different beast! I am so scared that I have I lost everthing I knew. And I feel as if I was such a different person then...more confident....more relaxed. I feel so high strung these days. I have all these 'rules' that i try to do everyday. Gotta work out, gotta eat healthy, gotta drink enough water, blah, blah, blah. Granted these "rules" are just for healthy living...which is why i try to do them. But 4 years ago, i wouldnt think twice about going out on a tuesday night and drinking, and then going to work the next day (i didnt do it often, unless i was around jonathon, or at a freak-fest). now? uh yeah, the mere thought of drinking, even on a friday night and NOT having to work the next day, makes me want to run and hide. i am sure its good that i hate the hungover feeling, and hate the drunk feeling, otherwise i would do it all the time. however, it doesnt make me a real "fun" person to be around...especially when all i am focused on is what time i am going to wake up and go to the gym...and what time i need to be in bed at night so that i am not tired the next day. i am old...and high strung.
anyway, back to the new job. intersting group of people. horse people, but not really the stereo-typical "annoying" horse people. my boss is a polo player, which i find facinating. they all have these 'hobbies' that they do after work, like go and play polo, or go ride their horse (a lot of people own their own, go figure). then there is me....and after work...either i go home and veg on the couch, go to a softball game...or if i can muster up enough energy i will go running or to the gym again (i have done that in a while though). i am just exhausted by the time work is over. i cant imagine doing anything other than what i do. i need a hobby.
again, back to work. i just watched a race from the winner's circle. kinda cool...and i guess for those of you who arent really into horse racing, or havent watched much of it thats not very cool. i was like that until i moved to louisville, and watched the derby and experienced the whole derby experience. its really kind of neat to be around all these jockies and horses and trainers. totally different world than where i ever imagined myself being at age 29.
i ramble no more.
My insecurity is trying to tell me that I am not doing a good job, and they regret hiring me (santity says "its ONLY BEEN 4 DAYS!!!"). They keep referring to Sundance and how cool they thought that was and how much experience I must have, yet...I am so scared that I am going to screw up! Sundance was 4 years ago, and a completely different beast! I am so scared that I have I lost everthing I knew. And I feel as if I was such a different person then...more confident....more relaxed. I feel so high strung these days. I have all these 'rules' that i try to do everyday. Gotta work out, gotta eat healthy, gotta drink enough water, blah, blah, blah. Granted these "rules" are just for healthy living...which is why i try to do them. But 4 years ago, i wouldnt think twice about going out on a tuesday night and drinking, and then going to work the next day (i didnt do it often, unless i was around jonathon, or at a freak-fest). now? uh yeah, the mere thought of drinking, even on a friday night and NOT having to work the next day, makes me want to run and hide. i am sure its good that i hate the hungover feeling, and hate the drunk feeling, otherwise i would do it all the time. however, it doesnt make me a real "fun" person to be around...especially when all i am focused on is what time i am going to wake up and go to the gym...and what time i need to be in bed at night so that i am not tired the next day. i am old...and high strung.
anyway, back to the new job. intersting group of people. horse people, but not really the stereo-typical "annoying" horse people. my boss is a polo player, which i find facinating. they all have these 'hobbies' that they do after work, like go and play polo, or go ride their horse (a lot of people own their own, go figure). then there is me....and after work...either i go home and veg on the couch, go to a softball game...or if i can muster up enough energy i will go running or to the gym again (i have done that in a while though). i am just exhausted by the time work is over. i cant imagine doing anything other than what i do. i need a hobby.
again, back to work. i just watched a race from the winner's circle. kinda cool...and i guess for those of you who arent really into horse racing, or havent watched much of it thats not very cool. i was like that until i moved to louisville, and watched the derby and experienced the whole derby experience. its really kind of neat to be around all these jockies and horses and trainers. totally different world than where i ever imagined myself being at age 29.
i ramble no more.
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