So...I received news yesterday that my boss (my direct report) has resigned and her last day will by July 21. She is my age...and we have become fairly good friends, or at least as friendly as two people can in the working relationship that we have. She is a really cool girl...and it will be sad to see her go, BUT good for her, as she will benefit greatly from this change. I am happy for her.
Selfishly, when she told me, and after my hapiness for her subsided, I begin to wonder what this could (or couldnt) mean for me...professionally...personally...etc. I do enjoy where I work. It IS the best place to work in Louisville. Plus they have good benefits, a fairly okay salary...and I am not bored at all. I have learned a LOT here and know I could learn so much more, plus I know I could advance quite a bit...or at least the opportunity is there.
So where is the dilemma you ask? Well...see...I have this child growing inside me, making me as huge as a house and all I can think about is caring for the little guy. I look at my schedule now, and honestly am so exhausted at the thought of taking on even more responsibility WITHOUT a child, that I am not sure I can (nor want to) be a Mom and do this too. I am struggling pretty bad with the thought of putting a 6 week old in Day Care...especially when the Day Care ads say stuff like "We will document all of your childs 'firsts'". I honestly don't want to READ documentation about my child's first anything. I want to see it first hand.
Of course, I wouldnt be me if I didnt struggle with the otherside of the equation. The thought of staying home and "just being a mom" freaks me out a little. I fear losing myself and not having any real sense of worth. I fear regretting not sticking my career out and not know the potential outcome of it. Plus, what happens when my kid(s) are in Kindergarten and I want to go back to work? I do not have a job that would allow me to start off where I left off...I am not a nurse or a teacher that can find the same position at anytime and in any place. If I take any significant amount of time off, I will have to begin at the bottom again...and work myself up....AGAIN.
Along with ALL of this is my co-dependence to my co-workers. I do not like letting people down and leaving them hanging, and fear their judgement and dislike towards me if I do decide not to come back...or even to come back for a month (Fall Meet), and then leave. They are good people and good friends.
To top it all of, there is only one person in this world that I really yearn to talk to about all of this. Only one person that would sit and listen and talk to me logically about it all...he would make me see my neurosis and help me see the situation clearly. My Dad...I just really am missing him, its times like these that I STILL can't believe he is gone.
Selfishly, when she told me, and after my hapiness for her subsided, I begin to wonder what this could (or couldnt) mean for me...professionally...personally...etc. I do enjoy where I work. It IS the best place to work in Louisville. Plus they have good benefits, a fairly okay salary...and I am not bored at all. I have learned a LOT here and know I could learn so much more, plus I know I could advance quite a bit...or at least the opportunity is there.
So where is the dilemma you ask? Well...see...I have this child growing inside me, making me as huge as a house and all I can think about is caring for the little guy. I look at my schedule now, and honestly am so exhausted at the thought of taking on even more responsibility WITHOUT a child, that I am not sure I can (nor want to) be a Mom and do this too. I am struggling pretty bad with the thought of putting a 6 week old in Day Care...especially when the Day Care ads say stuff like "We will document all of your childs 'firsts'". I honestly don't want to READ documentation about my child's first anything. I want to see it first hand.
Of course, I wouldnt be me if I didnt struggle with the otherside of the equation. The thought of staying home and "just being a mom" freaks me out a little. I fear losing myself and not having any real sense of worth. I fear regretting not sticking my career out and not know the potential outcome of it. Plus, what happens when my kid(s) are in Kindergarten and I want to go back to work? I do not have a job that would allow me to start off where I left off...I am not a nurse or a teacher that can find the same position at anytime and in any place. If I take any significant amount of time off, I will have to begin at the bottom again...and work myself up....AGAIN.
Along with ALL of this is my co-dependence to my co-workers. I do not like letting people down and leaving them hanging, and fear their judgement and dislike towards me if I do decide not to come back...or even to come back for a month (Fall Meet), and then leave. They are good people and good friends.
To top it all of, there is only one person in this world that I really yearn to talk to about all of this. Only one person that would sit and listen and talk to me logically about it all...he would make me see my neurosis and help me see the situation clearly. My Dad...I just really am missing him, its times like these that I STILL can't believe he is gone.
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